Value

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rupee 500 note.

 

In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?" 

Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you 
but first let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the note up. 
He then asked, "Who still wants it?" 

Still the hands were up in the air. 

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and 
started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all 
crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" 
Still the hands went into the air. 

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. 
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not 
decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-. 

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt 
by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as 
though we are worthless. 
But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose 
your value. 

You are special. Don't ever forget it! Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams . 

"VALUE HAS A VALUE ONLY IF ITS VALUE IS VALUED" 

marriage et el

If u r married please ignore this MSG,

 

For everyone else: Happy Independence Day

 

     

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

 

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

 

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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

 

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands

before the fight begins!

 

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we

do?

 

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

 

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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs

Arranged.

 

It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or

being murdered

 

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It is difficult to understand GOD . He makes such

beautiful things as women and then he turns them into

Wives

 

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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night

thinking about something you say.

 

After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

 

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There's a way of transferring funds that is even

faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

 

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Galfriends r like chocolates,

Taste gud anytime.

 

Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.

Wife r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice

 

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Man receives telegram: Wife dead should be buried or

cremated?

 

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury

the ash.

 

*********

        

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man,

The Master of Women'?

 

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other

side, sir.

 

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Q: Why dogs don't marry?

 

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

 

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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved

her so much that he would go through hell for her.

They got married and now he is going thru hell.

 

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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world

crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for

the rest of your life!

 

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Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second

woman?

 

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for

the same offence!

Work Pressure!!

Poultry farm ke malik ne tammam Murgiyon ko Order diya 
"Agar tum logon ne kal se Do -- Do ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band " 

Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne do do ande diye magar ek murgi ne sirf ek anda diya " 

Malik "tum ne 1 anda hi kyon diya "
.
.
Jawab mila.
.
..


"Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai waise main to Murga hoon"  ................................... 

Contractor

Three contractors . . . one from India, another from Germany and the third  from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior  White House official takes them to examine it. 

The English contractor : takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,  then works on some figures with a pencil.  "Well," he says. "I  figure the  job will cost $900 . . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour and  $100 profit for me." 

The German contractor : also does some measuring and figuring, then says,  "I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and  $100 profit for me."

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700." 

The official incredulously says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," the Indian explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!" 

Guess who got the contract........................!!

Difference

TWO WOMEN TALKING:

 ==================================

  Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

  Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

 Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

 Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. 

 Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine. 

 Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

 

...

 

....

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

NOW TWO MEN TALKING

 

======================================

 Man 1: Haircut?

 Man 2: Yeah.

 

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No Pain No Gain…

No Pain No Gain… Accept the Pain, Future will be Fruitful…

Software engineer and his wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
-x-