Position or Performance?

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Johhny J., taxi driver from New York !

God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Johhny J.: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ..

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?' 




'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God. 






'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.' J J 



Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.

Why husband should not answer ?

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!
WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'
HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.
WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'
WIFE: 'You would?'
HUSBAND: .......?
WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'
HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.'
WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'
HUSBAND: 'Probably, it is almost new.'
WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'
HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'
WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'
HUSBAND: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'
WIFE: 'Would she wear my shoes'
HUSBAND: 'No, her size is 6.'
WIFE: -- silence -
HUSBAND: 'shit'.

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

.........................................................................

I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

.........................................................................


Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?

.........................................................................


If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

.........................................................................


Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

.........................................................................


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

.........................................................................


Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

.........................................................................

Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

.........................................................................


Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

.........................................................................


The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

.........................................................................


Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

.........................................................................


"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

.........................................................................


"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

.........................................................................


"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

.........................................................................


God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

.........................................................................


The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.


.........................................................................

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

software engineer

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